Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
Facebook and my virginity
Facebook was launched in February 2004. I lost my virginity in February 2005. These seem like unrelated occurrences (no, I didn't lose it to the Zuck) and they were until today. Yes, I have much better things to write about that include what happened this weekend, but I cannot get over what just happened.
I left my Blackberry in my purse for most of the afternoon. Then when I checked it a few hours later, I had a friend request on Facebook. I was curious to see who added me (wondering if it might be my ex who got away) and waited for a few seconds while the message changed from "Facebook User" to the user's actual name. Then I read it. And I read it again. And a third time. I froze, phone in hand, almost dropping it on my keyboard. That name was very familiar, but also fairly common, so I went online on my computer to confirm it. There it was, clear as day: "Facebook User" was the Canadian guy I lost my virginity to almost 7 years ago. I haven't had any communication with him since 2007, and barely any since I last saw him in July of 2005. And he found me on Facebook. Not only that, he's no longer in Canadia, and now lives in Jersey. So, a few questions are kind of killing me right now: how does he remember me? Why does he want to be friends on Facebook? Why did he look me up after all these years? How has he not forgotten me?
Here's a little background: him and I knew each other for about two weeks when he swept me off my feet with the killer line "I want to have breakfast with you", whispered in my ear after dinner at a park on a chilly Argentinian night. We had sex at a nice hotel, he knew he was taking my virginity, and he was super nice about the whole thing. Meanwhile, I came away with my first sexual experience, a great story to tell, and an acquaintance who I'd probably never see again. We emailed. He turned into a friend. When I saw him again in July of the same year when I was in Canada, I tried to kiss him but he turned me down with no explanation. I was ok with it, he took me to a concert and we had fun. Wee emailed a few times after that, your usual "Haven't talked in forever! Where/how are you?", but even that stopped in 2007. Now it's four years later, and he still remembers me, my complicated last name, and tracked me down on Facebook. How the hell does that even happen, and why is he doing this?
I left my Blackberry in my purse for most of the afternoon. Then when I checked it a few hours later, I had a friend request on Facebook. I was curious to see who added me (wondering if it might be my ex who got away) and waited for a few seconds while the message changed from "Facebook User" to the user's actual name. Then I read it. And I read it again. And a third time. I froze, phone in hand, almost dropping it on my keyboard. That name was very familiar, but also fairly common, so I went online on my computer to confirm it. There it was, clear as day: "Facebook User" was the Canadian guy I lost my virginity to almost 7 years ago. I haven't had any communication with him since 2007, and barely any since I last saw him in July of 2005. And he found me on Facebook. Not only that, he's no longer in Canadia, and now lives in Jersey. So, a few questions are kind of killing me right now: how does he remember me? Why does he want to be friends on Facebook? Why did he look me up after all these years? How has he not forgotten me?
Here's a little background: him and I knew each other for about two weeks when he swept me off my feet with the killer line "I want to have breakfast with you", whispered in my ear after dinner at a park on a chilly Argentinian night. We had sex at a nice hotel, he knew he was taking my virginity, and he was super nice about the whole thing. Meanwhile, I came away with my first sexual experience, a great story to tell, and an acquaintance who I'd probably never see again. We emailed. He turned into a friend. When I saw him again in July of the same year when I was in Canada, I tried to kiss him but he turned me down with no explanation. I was ok with it, he took me to a concert and we had fun. Wee emailed a few times after that, your usual "Haven't talked in forever! Where/how are you?", but even that stopped in 2007. Now it's four years later, and he still remembers me, my complicated last name, and tracked me down on Facebook. How the hell does that even happen, and why is he doing this?
Friday, August 26, 2011
I'm still an idiot, but for a different reason now
Turns out the whole not answering messages debacle was blown hugely out of proportion by yours truly. As are a lot of things I write on here. He didn't reply for a good 18h (but who's counting? I AM) but then did. At 1:30pm. Like nothing happened, just the continuation of the conversation. To let my desire to strangle him with the phone charger cord I had imagined 500 times that he had lost die down, I waited until after work to reply. Of course, then he replied back 2min later, while I was vacuuming and had began getting angry again for texting him back at all. *sigh* I really need to cool that shit down.
The ensuing conversation was normal, and peaked with him sending a picture of himself wearing a suit. Well, hello there. I love me a man in a suit, especially when I know there are tattoos under there. I wanted to send something like "Good, now take it off and send me another one" but I feel we may not be quite to that point yet.
Anywho, I asked him when we were hanging out and we set it for this Saturday. We had already talked about the place, so that was the easy part. Now herein lies le problemo. You see, last time, I went into our meeting thinking it was a get-together. Now I know it's a dateish sort of situation. And I'm freaking the fuck out.
The ensuing conversation was normal, and peaked with him sending a picture of himself wearing a suit. Well, hello there. I love me a man in a suit, especially when I know there are tattoos under there. I wanted to send something like "Good, now take it off and send me another one" but I feel we may not be quite to that point yet.
Anywho, I asked him when we were hanging out and we set it for this Saturday. We had already talked about the place, so that was the easy part. Now herein lies le problemo. You see, last time, I went into our meeting thinking it was a get-together. Now I know it's a dateish sort of situation. And I'm freaking the fuck out.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
I'm an idiot
Today I heard about the concept of "Instant Relationship", which is when you barely know someone and you assume there is some sort of relationship between you. I'm starting to feel that this is what happened with the guy I went out with on Friday and now he stopped answering my texts.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Monday, August 22, 2011
Changing gears rapidly is bad for your gearbox...
And yes, I do realize that not a week ago I was talking about missing my ex boyfriend and how he's the one that got away, and now I'm talking about a great date I had with a guy. Sometimes I think my life is like something out of a movie. Times like these, I think it's like something out of several movies happening at the same time. If I only knew which movie to sit down and watch till the end...
08/19/11 - My non-gay surprise
When bad things happen, its human nature to retrace your steps and you look back at the decisions and the events that led up to a bad result. You regret something, or you wish something had never happened, or think what could have been if you could go back and change something. But do you ever retrace your steps when something good happens?
Take my situation, for example.
Part 1:
At the beginning of the year, my friend invited me to go out to dinner with her and some co-workers. I only knew her and another girl, but figured, why not? I carpooled with one of them and went to dinner. I had a good time, and after dinner, they talked about going out dancing. I don't usually turn down dancing, so I agreed, but my carpool friend wanted to go home. I decided to stay and drive back with someone else. Out of the people that went dancing, there was my friend, her boyfriend, two of her friends who were girls, and two that were guys. I knew one of them was gay, so I kinda just assumed the other one was too, so I was dancing with him and looking like an idiot. And then he asked for my phone number. Oh, ok, apparently you may like women, that's cool. So I gave it to him.
In that paragraph alone there were at least three decision points that could have ended the whole story.
Part 2:
In the following months, we became friends on Facebook and he texted me about liking the pictures I had on there. He did this at quite possibly the worst time possible, as I was starting to experiment with dating techniques. I bluntly replied that I thought his pictures were sexy, if for no other reason other than because I'd never done it before. And because it was true. But still, very out of character for me, I figured I had nothing to lose. I might have been wrong.
This was in May. I didn't hear back after that last comment.
Part 3:
Until July at least, when I get a message from him saying he moved closer to where I live and asking if I wanted to get together sometime. Considering I got that at 1am on a Tuesday, I didn't have much faith I'd get an answer if I responded. I responded anyway. And didn't hear back again.
Part 4:
Until last Monday. He apologized for disappearing and asked if I wanted to go out this weekend. After all of this, I was ready to say no, but in the name of science said yes. We went out on Friday, and it was the best date I've had in a ridiculously long time. Details aside, I made "the drive of shame" a thing. And now I want him to like me, I really do, but I don't know how to navigate this ridiculous world of adult dating. I don't know how to have text conversations, I don't know what happens now. Ugh.
But the whole point of this is to realize that sometimes good things happen in very roundabout ways, and that you shouldn't close yourself to possibilities just because of something stupid. It took five months and a lot of back-and-forth for this to happen, but now I can truly say I'm glad I gave this the benefit of the doubt and went with it. Even though it sounds like it wasn't going to happen.
Now, how do I make the little red light start blinking on my Blackberry?
Take my situation, for example.
Part 1:
At the beginning of the year, my friend invited me to go out to dinner with her and some co-workers. I only knew her and another girl, but figured, why not? I carpooled with one of them and went to dinner. I had a good time, and after dinner, they talked about going out dancing. I don't usually turn down dancing, so I agreed, but my carpool friend wanted to go home. I decided to stay and drive back with someone else. Out of the people that went dancing, there was my friend, her boyfriend, two of her friends who were girls, and two that were guys. I knew one of them was gay, so I kinda just assumed the other one was too, so I was dancing with him and looking like an idiot. And then he asked for my phone number. Oh, ok, apparently you may like women, that's cool. So I gave it to him.
In that paragraph alone there were at least three decision points that could have ended the whole story.
Part 2:
In the following months, we became friends on Facebook and he texted me about liking the pictures I had on there. He did this at quite possibly the worst time possible, as I was starting to experiment with dating techniques. I bluntly replied that I thought his pictures were sexy, if for no other reason other than because I'd never done it before. And because it was true. But still, very out of character for me, I figured I had nothing to lose. I might have been wrong.
This was in May. I didn't hear back after that last comment.
Part 3:
Until July at least, when I get a message from him saying he moved closer to where I live and asking if I wanted to get together sometime. Considering I got that at 1am on a Tuesday, I didn't have much faith I'd get an answer if I responded. I responded anyway. And didn't hear back again.
Part 4:
Until last Monday. He apologized for disappearing and asked if I wanted to go out this weekend. After all of this, I was ready to say no, but in the name of science said yes. We went out on Friday, and it was the best date I've had in a ridiculously long time. Details aside, I made "the drive of shame" a thing. And now I want him to like me, I really do, but I don't know how to navigate this ridiculous world of adult dating. I don't know how to have text conversations, I don't know what happens now. Ugh.
But the whole point of this is to realize that sometimes good things happen in very roundabout ways, and that you shouldn't close yourself to possibilities just because of something stupid. It took five months and a lot of back-and-forth for this to happen, but now I can truly say I'm glad I gave this the benefit of the doubt and went with it. Even though it sounds like it wasn't going to happen.
Now, how do I make the little red light start blinking on my Blackberry?
Sunday, August 21, 2011
The one that got away and the ones who slipped away
After writing the post about my ex boyfriend, I started thinking what made that break up different than all the others. I've had plenty of break ups, break ups started by me, when I've broken other hearts. But I went after this one three years later, but not the others. I call this one "The one that got away" but the other ones just slipped away. Why is this one different than all the others?
Thursday, August 18, 2011
08/17/2011 - Back to December
I can't usually relate to love songs because the people who write them are the creative types, and the way they feel things isn't the way I do. That being said, I can't stop listening to Taylor Swift's Back to December since last night. You see, now I know exactly what she's talking about, and I can finally understand what people mean when they say they listen to her songs because they feel like they're not alone. Thanks to her, I don't feel alone either.
You see, I broke someone's heart too, but it wasn't last December, it was three years ago. And yesterday, I saw him online (on Skype, which I never deleted him from for some reason) and decided to try talking to him. If you know the Taylor Swift song, this should read like the lyrics. We made small talk about how our lives are going, how busy we are with work, and how people we know are doing. I could feel he was just giving me the cursory answers he would have given anyone else. I knew this because I know that his father passed away two months ago. They were very close, no I knew from the moment he said "I'm doing ok" that he had his guard up.
After two hours of random conversation, I went for it. I apologized. I told him I missed his friendship, that I was sorry for everything that happened, and so so sorry for the fact that he lost his dad. I was shaking the entire time. This is a guy I haven't really spoken to in years, since we broke each other's hearts in craptastic fashion. His guard finally dropped and he told me he was still hurt. It kills me now, because what hurts me isn't what he did to me then, or what I did to him. What kills me is that I lost him, that's the worst feeling. I play back the good times, and the bad times, and I miss him still. It was about a third of what I've wanted to say to him all these years, but I don't think he wanted to hear the other two-thirds. I was surprised he actually heard this one.
I realized after the word vomit was over that I was ok with whatever he said. All I wanted was to tell him how I felt. If he just went offline without a word, I would be hurt, but I said what had been urgently trying to get out for years. I was at peace. In retrospect, a large part of me expected he would say something like "too little, too late" or that he would just say he had to go, or in some way avoid the fact that I probably sounded retarded. "This isn't a movie" I thought "There's no necessary, unavoidable happy ending".
The next time he wrote anything (and it felt like forever) I could only read the first word. It was the nickname he used for me when we used to date. I didn't read the rest of the sentence. I couldn't. My eyes welled up and tears quietly streamed down my face. I could see the little pencil animation start writing, then erase, then start again only to stop. He didn't know what to say. This happened four times. While I didn't give much thought to what I was saying and just unloaded it all in the best phrasing I could think of on the spot, he was actually mulling over what to say. To me.
After all these years, after all the hurt, I'm still Lu.
You see, I broke someone's heart too, but it wasn't last December, it was three years ago. And yesterday, I saw him online (on Skype, which I never deleted him from for some reason) and decided to try talking to him. If you know the Taylor Swift song, this should read like the lyrics. We made small talk about how our lives are going, how busy we are with work, and how people we know are doing. I could feel he was just giving me the cursory answers he would have given anyone else. I knew this because I know that his father passed away two months ago. They were very close, no I knew from the moment he said "I'm doing ok" that he had his guard up.
After two hours of random conversation, I went for it. I apologized. I told him I missed his friendship, that I was sorry for everything that happened, and so so sorry for the fact that he lost his dad. I was shaking the entire time. This is a guy I haven't really spoken to in years, since we broke each other's hearts in craptastic fashion. His guard finally dropped and he told me he was still hurt. It kills me now, because what hurts me isn't what he did to me then, or what I did to him. What kills me is that I lost him, that's the worst feeling. I play back the good times, and the bad times, and I miss him still. It was about a third of what I've wanted to say to him all these years, but I don't think he wanted to hear the other two-thirds. I was surprised he actually heard this one.
I realized after the word vomit was over that I was ok with whatever he said. All I wanted was to tell him how I felt. If he just went offline without a word, I would be hurt, but I said what had been urgently trying to get out for years. I was at peace. In retrospect, a large part of me expected he would say something like "too little, too late" or that he would just say he had to go, or in some way avoid the fact that I probably sounded retarded. "This isn't a movie" I thought "There's no necessary, unavoidable happy ending".
The next time he wrote anything (and it felt like forever) I could only read the first word. It was the nickname he used for me when we used to date. I didn't read the rest of the sentence. I couldn't. My eyes welled up and tears quietly streamed down my face. I could see the little pencil animation start writing, then erase, then start again only to stop. He didn't know what to say. This happened four times. While I didn't give much thought to what I was saying and just unloaded it all in the best phrasing I could think of on the spot, he was actually mulling over what to say. To me.
After all these years, after all the hurt, I'm still Lu.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
04/10/11 - Desk job guy's unexpected response email
I was wrong, this guy's got some balls at least. He actually responded to that atrocity of an email I sent.
Good evening [redacted], I hope you had a good weekend.
Well, I'm glad you told me the truth. Honestly, I think that you are a very intelligent and very classy young lady, (and apparently you are a 70-year-old hiding in a 24-year-old's body... and I'm only 1 year younger than you) and that you'll make a great catch for somebody. You left a very strong impression on me, but I realize that it takes two hearts to make a relationship work. I know you'll find what you're looking for. (thanks, Oprah)
Maybe we'll see each other again someday, perhaps at the [race] in May. Until then, happy trails.
~ [redacted]
Yep. Most definitely the right decision. And unfortunately I am actually running that race, but if I run into him, it's more incentive to go faster!
Good evening [redacted], I hope you had a good weekend.
Well, I'm glad you told me the truth. Honestly, I think that you are a very intelligent and very classy young lady, (and apparently you are a 70-year-old hiding in a 24-year-old's body... and I'm only 1 year younger than you) and that you'll make a great catch for somebody. You left a very strong impression on me, but I realize that it takes two hearts to make a relationship work. I know you'll find what you're looking for. (thanks, Oprah)
Maybe we'll see each other again someday, perhaps at the [race] in May. Until then, happy trails.
~ [redacted]
Yep. Most definitely the right decision. And unfortunately I am actually running that race, but if I run into him, it's more incentive to go faster!
Saturday, April 9, 2011
04/03/11 - Desk job guy's "I've called you repeatedly for a week and need to send you another email now" email
So after I didn't respond to his first compelling email about our date while being swamped with work and the desire to not communicate with him, Desk Job guy felt the need to call me repeatedly (on Friday he called me twice in 45min) and email me again. He's not very apt at taking hints, though I'm also not the best person, being that I told him I wanted to go out again. So when he sent this email, I felt compelled to email back (my commentary is in parenthesis).
"Good evening [redacted], it's [redacted] (thank you for letting me know, even though the whole non-anonymous message thing tipped me off).
How has your week been? Work was exceptionally busy for me this past week, as I've been given several new projects to undertake, including replacing our old timeclock and looking into getting our some automatic scanners for our warehouse and inventory. And then of course, there's the usual grind. From what I do and from dealing with our machine setup personnel on a daily basis, I have a real appreciation for what you do as an engineer. (who uses "undertake" in an informal email? And talks about work activities so much? Am I interviewing you for a job?)
By chance did you happen to watch any of the Cavaliers' game against Miami this week? That was a really fun game to watch and it was great for my family personally to see, given my mom's work with the Cavaliers organization. I could tell you so many stories from the Lebron era and the things we did on the day it ended, it was pretty crazy. (friend, I don't think you know what crazy means... I have a feeling those crazy stories have something to do with throwing LeBron's stuff away or something equally enthralling)
The weather seems to finally be changing, though instead of cold we might be dodging thunderstorms this week. We can all hope for sun and warmth being around the corner. Were you able to do any running outside this week? (no, children's book, I haven't)
More than anything else I'd just like to hear from you, I've been waiting to hear back since our outing last Sunday. I had a lot of fun and I think we could have more great times to share going forward. (that was a "great time" for you? Refer back to my comment about your sense of "crazy")
~ [redacted] (by the way, his name has a very common nickname that he refuses to use, going instead by his full first name. I thought that was kinda strange, but oh well...)"
Ok, so after this I felt like I had to let the poor soul know this was going nowhere, so I sent the following email on 04/06 (and half-expected a response, though so far nothing).
"Hey [redacted full name, which I could've used fewer characters if you'd just use the goddamn nickname],
Sorry I haven't gotten back to you, I've been incredibly busy for the past week and a half with work and just life in general.
It was nice meeting you last Sunday, but I don't think we should go out again. I just didn't really feel any chemistry.
Good luck with everything!
-[redacted]"
It was kind of mean, but I guess it got the point across... on to the next one!
"Good evening [redacted], it's [redacted] (thank you for letting me know, even though the whole non-anonymous message thing tipped me off).
How has your week been? Work was exceptionally busy for me this past week, as I've been given several new projects to undertake, including replacing our old timeclock and looking into getting our some automatic scanners for our warehouse and inventory. And then of course, there's the usual grind. From what I do and from dealing with our machine setup personnel on a daily basis, I have a real appreciation for what you do as an engineer. (who uses "undertake" in an informal email? And talks about work activities so much? Am I interviewing you for a job?)
By chance did you happen to watch any of the Cavaliers' game against Miami this week? That was a really fun game to watch and it was great for my family personally to see, given my mom's work with the Cavaliers organization. I could tell you so many stories from the Lebron era and the things we did on the day it ended, it was pretty crazy. (friend, I don't think you know what crazy means... I have a feeling those crazy stories have something to do with throwing LeBron's stuff away or something equally enthralling)
The weather seems to finally be changing, though instead of cold we might be dodging thunderstorms this week. We can all hope for sun and warmth being around the corner. Were you able to do any running outside this week? (no, children's book, I haven't)
More than anything else I'd just like to hear from you, I've been waiting to hear back since our outing last Sunday. I had a lot of fun and I think we could have more great times to share going forward. (that was a "great time" for you? Refer back to my comment about your sense of "crazy")
~ [redacted] (by the way, his name has a very common nickname that he refuses to use, going instead by his full first name. I thought that was kinda strange, but oh well...)"
Ok, so after this I felt like I had to let the poor soul know this was going nowhere, so I sent the following email on 04/06 (and half-expected a response, though so far nothing).
"Hey [redacted full name, which I could've used fewer characters if you'd just use the goddamn nickname],
Sorry I haven't gotten back to you, I've been incredibly busy for the past week and a half with work and just life in general.
It was nice meeting you last Sunday, but I don't think we should go out again. I just didn't really feel any chemistry.
Good luck with everything!
-[redacted]"
It was kind of mean, but I guess it got the point across... on to the next one!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
03/28/11 - Desk job guy's follow-up email
Good evening [redacted],
Hey I just wanted to let you know that I really had fun last night. It seemed like we just connected, the conversation was free-flowing, touching on subjects ranging from science to religion to video games without so much as an awkward moment. It seems like a lot of our values and perspectives on life are similar, perhaps it's the "knowledge of nerd-dom" that drives that.
That restaurant was actually very good, I didn't expect the food to be quite so upscale. The tilapia I had was actually some of the best I've ever eaten.
I definitely think that we could do this again for our next meeting, although meeting up to run together and playing lazer tag have to be on the list as well. I know you said you aren't going to be around next weekend but maybe we could shoot for the weekend after next. I'll catch up with you again later in the week. Hope your week goes well.
~ [redacted]
Just as I suspected, he's clueless as to what a disaster Sunday was, and thinks I'm actually busy this weekend.
Oh, and btw genius, if you were such a "nerd", you'd know that LASER stands for light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation. So it's laSer tag not laZer tag. Stimulation, not Ztimulation. Idiot. It wouldn't bother me so much if he hadn't done it on a previous email too, so I know it's not a typo.
Since this is all an experiment on meeting people and dating them, I kinda wanted to test out different "break-off" emails. Maybe I'll send him a nice one. Or maybe not.
Hey I just wanted to let you know that I really had fun last night. It seemed like we just connected, the conversation was free-flowing, touching on subjects ranging from science to religion to video games without so much as an awkward moment. It seems like a lot of our values and perspectives on life are similar, perhaps it's the "knowledge of nerd-dom" that drives that.
That restaurant was actually very good, I didn't expect the food to be quite so upscale. The tilapia I had was actually some of the best I've ever eaten.
I definitely think that we could do this again for our next meeting, although meeting up to run together and playing lazer tag have to be on the list as well. I know you said you aren't going to be around next weekend but maybe we could shoot for the weekend after next. I'll catch up with you again later in the week. Hope your week goes well.
~ [redacted]
Just as I suspected, he's clueless as to what a disaster Sunday was, and thinks I'm actually busy this weekend.
Oh, and btw genius, if you were such a "nerd", you'd know that LASER stands for light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation. So it's laSer tag not laZer tag. Stimulation, not Ztimulation. Idiot. It wouldn't bother me so much if he hadn't done it on a previous email too, so I know it's not a typo.
Since this is all an experiment on meeting people and dating them, I kinda wanted to test out different "break-off" emails. Maybe I'll send him a nice one. Or maybe not.
Monday, March 28, 2011
03/27/11 - Desk job guy
So, when the lawyer didn't call me for a weekend date, I wasn't terribly upset. Instead, I went out with the next guy on my online to-do list: desk job guy. I'll call him that because he reminds me of Chandler, from Friends (what up, growing up in the 90's!): his job is so boring that nobody can stand to listen long enough to know what he does. So he's just desk job guy.
He called me three times before the date with information he could have just emailed me. Ugh, I hate talking on the phone with people I don't know. He left me one voicemail that I decided to listen to before even answering any of his calls. His voice was exactly what you'd expect from a desk job guy: monotonous and kinda nasaly. When I actually did pick up, he was as good at conversations as the dead cilantro on my windowsill. This was going downhill fast. After he could make no decisions without my input (aka, I decided), we planned on a Sunday dinner (seriously?). It was the only day he was available before Wednesday. Oooook. I guess you must have a busy schedule boring people to death while talking about your job.
As soon as I got there, I saw him standing outside and immediately regretted this. I'm attracted to nerds, don't get me wrong, but the good kind. The kind that can match shoes to shirts and make decisions. So, not this guy. His profile said he was 6'2" so I was wearing 1" kitten heels. Yeah, no, I was way taller than him. Not only was he 6' at best, but his posture was horrendous. Fantastic. I could feel people staring at us as I entered the restaurant with Quasimodo over here. No, other patrons, I don't know what I was doing there either, thanks for noticing!
I'll spare you the details of the most boring date I've ever had, except for this one little tidbit that just assured me I wouldn't be seeing this guy again. We were talking about the weather (what else do you talk to when you have nothing to talk about?) and he mentions something about his aunt and uncle "believing" in global warming. It sounded like... oh shit. No no no no no no NO! Ahhhh, yes. He doesn't really "believe" in climate change.
Pause. I flip the switch. Fuck it.
"You know, this is the only country I've ever been to where climate change and evolution are actually debated as theories. Everybody else on the planet is on board with the whole 'science' thing." I can see the look on his face. I know he's a christian, so I'm fully aware things might be getting really unpleasant really fast.
"Oh no, evolution isn't really up for debate" - way to change the subject but... no, wait, there's MORE! - "but evolution and creationism can both be true." WHAT?! Are you for real right now?!
I dig in: "I went to middle school with this girl who basically got laughed out of class for suggesting our science teacher should mention creationism when we were being taught evolution. I can't believe in this country people still require them to be taught side by side". I was well on my way to ruining this date. It felt cathartic, but our waiter interrupted the conversation and I didn't really know how to get back on topic. I couldn't keep going if he didn't fight back. He didn't.
Instead, he asked if we should do this again. And in that moment, with every fiber of my body screaming "NO!" I said "Sure, why not?". Gee, I don't know, I can come up with a whole fucking list, you moron! I instantly blurt out that I'm busy all week, and he says it's ok, because he's busy on weekdays too. Yes, I'm sure you are. Doing what, growing your nails longer than mine? Btw, that's gross.Then I tell him I'm out of town this weekend. I think he realizes I'm bullshitting at this point because I can't come up with a good location to pretend I'm going to. We make more small talk, but when he starts talking about liking video games and collecting Nintendo systems, I call it a night.
The check comes. I start the "reach for the wallet" dance. He looks at me, and I can tell he is really uncomfortable. "So how should we do this?". Wow, seriously? Though I guess from the guy who could make no decisions when picking a place to go, this was totally expected. He has zero confidence, and zero clue on how to date. Sigh.
"We can split it."
"Ok...". He stares at me. Why is he staring? Why isn't he doing anything? I look at him, puzzled.
"What?"
He sighs, his hand on the bill. Maybe he's going to change his mind, maybe he'll realize what a faux pas this is. I have hope.
Nope. He continues his silence for another few uncomfortable seconds and slides the check over to me, we both put our cards in. The waiter splits it down the middle even though his food was more expensive. Balls. I wasn't counting strikes, but he's so far out, it's kinda sad.
Clueless as he is (I wish it was because he realized this wasn't going anywhere, but I know it wasn't), he doesn't try to kiss me or even hug me. He says he'll call or email me. Yeah, ok, thanks for nothing, bye!
He called me three times before the date with information he could have just emailed me. Ugh, I hate talking on the phone with people I don't know. He left me one voicemail that I decided to listen to before even answering any of his calls. His voice was exactly what you'd expect from a desk job guy: monotonous and kinda nasaly. When I actually did pick up, he was as good at conversations as the dead cilantro on my windowsill. This was going downhill fast. After he could make no decisions without my input (aka, I decided), we planned on a Sunday dinner (seriously?). It was the only day he was available before Wednesday. Oooook. I guess you must have a busy schedule boring people to death while talking about your job.
As soon as I got there, I saw him standing outside and immediately regretted this. I'm attracted to nerds, don't get me wrong, but the good kind. The kind that can match shoes to shirts and make decisions. So, not this guy. His profile said he was 6'2" so I was wearing 1" kitten heels. Yeah, no, I was way taller than him. Not only was he 6' at best, but his posture was horrendous. Fantastic. I could feel people staring at us as I entered the restaurant with Quasimodo over here. No, other patrons, I don't know what I was doing there either, thanks for noticing!
I'll spare you the details of the most boring date I've ever had, except for this one little tidbit that just assured me I wouldn't be seeing this guy again. We were talking about the weather (what else do you talk to when you have nothing to talk about?) and he mentions something about his aunt and uncle "believing" in global warming. It sounded like... oh shit. No no no no no no NO! Ahhhh, yes. He doesn't really "believe" in climate change.
Pause. I flip the switch. Fuck it.
"You know, this is the only country I've ever been to where climate change and evolution are actually debated as theories. Everybody else on the planet is on board with the whole 'science' thing." I can see the look on his face. I know he's a christian, so I'm fully aware things might be getting really unpleasant really fast.
"Oh no, evolution isn't really up for debate" - way to change the subject but... no, wait, there's MORE! - "but evolution and creationism can both be true." WHAT?! Are you for real right now?!
I dig in: "I went to middle school with this girl who basically got laughed out of class for suggesting our science teacher should mention creationism when we were being taught evolution. I can't believe in this country people still require them to be taught side by side". I was well on my way to ruining this date. It felt cathartic, but our waiter interrupted the conversation and I didn't really know how to get back on topic. I couldn't keep going if he didn't fight back. He didn't.
Instead, he asked if we should do this again. And in that moment, with every fiber of my body screaming "NO!" I said "Sure, why not?". Gee, I don't know, I can come up with a whole fucking list, you moron! I instantly blurt out that I'm busy all week, and he says it's ok, because he's busy on weekdays too. Yes, I'm sure you are. Doing what, growing your nails longer than mine? Btw, that's gross.Then I tell him I'm out of town this weekend. I think he realizes I'm bullshitting at this point because I can't come up with a good location to pretend I'm going to. We make more small talk, but when he starts talking about liking video games and collecting Nintendo systems, I call it a night.
The check comes. I start the "reach for the wallet" dance. He looks at me, and I can tell he is really uncomfortable. "So how should we do this?". Wow, seriously? Though I guess from the guy who could make no decisions when picking a place to go, this was totally expected. He has zero confidence, and zero clue on how to date. Sigh.
"We can split it."
"Ok...". He stares at me. Why is he staring? Why isn't he doing anything? I look at him, puzzled.
"What?"
He sighs, his hand on the bill. Maybe he's going to change his mind, maybe he'll realize what a faux pas this is. I have hope.
Nope. He continues his silence for another few uncomfortable seconds and slides the check over to me, we both put our cards in. The waiter splits it down the middle even though his food was more expensive. Balls. I wasn't counting strikes, but he's so far out, it's kinda sad.
Clueless as he is (I wish it was because he realized this wasn't going anywhere, but I know it wasn't), he doesn't try to kiss me or even hug me. He says he'll call or email me. Yeah, ok, thanks for nothing, bye!
Friday, March 25, 2011
03/22/11 - The lawyer and the high school teacher
Let's get one thing out of the way: I'm impulsive. A lot of times I'll look back at my decisions and physically cringe or twitch or even grunt. Yes, it's happened in the middle of work meetings. Yes, it's awkward that while people are talking about serious things, I'm thinking back to my date last night and that snap decision I made that was just so freaking wrong. And then I let out an audible "UGH". Tuesday, 03/22, was one of those days.
I scheduled a date with a lawyer I met online. As usual, I did my due diligence and googled the shit out of him until I found confirmation of his name, profession, employment status and height. Most people that complain about online dating don't do these things, but I've found that it reduces the odds of something going wrong SIGNIFICANTLY.
Anyways, I met him at a place that I realized way too late was the same place I'd been on my first date with high school teacher (more on that later) . He was already there, well dressed, and had seats at the bar. Minus points for the bar, plus for everything else. One of the first things he said was "Sorry, for the crappy weather", because it was raining and an overall gross day. After deciding sarcasm was an important part of my personality, I responded with "I hardly think that's your fault". He smiled and said "That's... rational". He got it. Perfect. I smile back.
We talk about family, living in the area, he fact that he'd never been to that place before ("Yeah, I realize I've been here before... with friends"). When he talks about work he uses "allegedly" non-ironically. I find this hilarious, because it's super lawyer-speak. I tell him about my knowledge of the legal system, which is limited to TV shows (that I'm aware are humorously wrong) and my limited interaction with an attorney that's driving me crazy. He cracks up at my stories about her, so that's a good sign. He has a couple of beers, I have some wine, we order some tapas.
Then I remember I only had 40min in my meter, and it's probably already expired. Shit. I ask the bartender for change, and realize how much it looks like I'm bailing, since I have to take my coat, scarf, and umbrella to go back to the lot. Feeling bad, I leave my purse (yes, I'm cringing just thinking about it) and run out (yes, run. In heels), just in time to stop the cop who is already writing my ticket. "That's my car!!! I have quarters!". With another hour in the meter, and a warning ("30 more seconds, and you would've had a ticket!") I keep my record still 100% ticket-free and walk back. Then check my purse as soon as he leaves for the bathroom. Nope, still have all my cards. Not that I would've needed them, considering he picked up the check. Nice.
As he walks me back to my car (extra points for walking me even though he was parked in the opposite direction) we hug and he asks me about seeing me again. I can't help but smile and say (almost squeal, really) "Absolutely!". Dork. He confirms that he has my cell phone number since I texted him earlier, and we part ways. Adorable.
But, there's a reason why I started this post with a disclaimer about being impulsive. As I watch my meter tick down to the last two minutes, I pull out my phone and text the high school teacher, who lives 5min away: "You weren't kidding about cops around your area, I almost got a ticket!". Which of course leads me to be invited over, but that's when I made a crucial error that no girl should make. When a guy says "I would say stop by if you want" and "I wouldn't mind if you came by", don't come by. Just don't. If he wanted you there, he'd invite you there. Otherwise, it means "don't come by, I'll just ignore you for an hour while I do something more important". Which is what happened to me, and I watched as he filled out some online forms that he was busy with, and talked to his mother, emailed his sister, and texted his coworker. Brilliant. I say I'm leaving, after I get pretty sick of IMing on my phone with my friend who keeps telling me to GTFO. He walks me down to the door, and then no hug, no kiss, no anything, says "I'll talk to you tomorrow when hopefully I won't be going crazy".
Whatever, dude. He texts me the next day, just to tell me he finished whatever he was working on. Then to tell me, in a roundabout way, that he's going home Friday (today) and will be there for the week. "Home" being his home state, 600mi away.
Good riddance.
I scheduled a date with a lawyer I met online. As usual, I did my due diligence and googled the shit out of him until I found confirmation of his name, profession, employment status and height. Most people that complain about online dating don't do these things, but I've found that it reduces the odds of something going wrong SIGNIFICANTLY.
Anyways, I met him at a place that I realized way too late was the same place I'd been on my first date with high school teacher (more on that later) . He was already there, well dressed, and had seats at the bar. Minus points for the bar, plus for everything else. One of the first things he said was "Sorry, for the crappy weather", because it was raining and an overall gross day. After deciding sarcasm was an important part of my personality, I responded with "I hardly think that's your fault". He smiled and said "That's... rational". He got it. Perfect. I smile back.
We talk about family, living in the area, he fact that he'd never been to that place before ("Yeah, I realize I've been here before... with friends"). When he talks about work he uses "allegedly" non-ironically. I find this hilarious, because it's super lawyer-speak. I tell him about my knowledge of the legal system, which is limited to TV shows (that I'm aware are humorously wrong) and my limited interaction with an attorney that's driving me crazy. He cracks up at my stories about her, so that's a good sign. He has a couple of beers, I have some wine, we order some tapas.
Then I remember I only had 40min in my meter, and it's probably already expired. Shit. I ask the bartender for change, and realize how much it looks like I'm bailing, since I have to take my coat, scarf, and umbrella to go back to the lot. Feeling bad, I leave my purse (yes, I'm cringing just thinking about it) and run out (yes, run. In heels), just in time to stop the cop who is already writing my ticket. "That's my car!!! I have quarters!". With another hour in the meter, and a warning ("30 more seconds, and you would've had a ticket!") I keep my record still 100% ticket-free and walk back. Then check my purse as soon as he leaves for the bathroom. Nope, still have all my cards. Not that I would've needed them, considering he picked up the check. Nice.
As he walks me back to my car (extra points for walking me even though he was parked in the opposite direction) we hug and he asks me about seeing me again. I can't help but smile and say (almost squeal, really) "Absolutely!". Dork. He confirms that he has my cell phone number since I texted him earlier, and we part ways. Adorable.
But, there's a reason why I started this post with a disclaimer about being impulsive. As I watch my meter tick down to the last two minutes, I pull out my phone and text the high school teacher, who lives 5min away: "You weren't kidding about cops around your area, I almost got a ticket!". Which of course leads me to be invited over, but that's when I made a crucial error that no girl should make. When a guy says "I would say stop by if you want" and "I wouldn't mind if you came by", don't come by. Just don't. If he wanted you there, he'd invite you there. Otherwise, it means "don't come by, I'll just ignore you for an hour while I do something more important". Which is what happened to me, and I watched as he filled out some online forms that he was busy with, and talked to his mother, emailed his sister, and texted his coworker. Brilliant. I say I'm leaving, after I get pretty sick of IMing on my phone with my friend who keeps telling me to GTFO. He walks me down to the door, and then no hug, no kiss, no anything, says "I'll talk to you tomorrow when hopefully I won't be going crazy".
Whatever, dude. He texts me the next day, just to tell me he finished whatever he was working on. Then to tell me, in a roundabout way, that he's going home Friday (today) and will be there for the week. "Home" being his home state, 600mi away.
Good riddance.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
03/23/11 - Introduction
This is my first post on this blog, so I feel like I should give some background as to why it exists and what I'll be talking about here. So here it goes:
I'm 23, fresh out of a 2-year relationship that I thought would be my last. But I'm known for quick recoveries, and true to my reputation I was over the breakup in a couple of hours (spent while my car was getting serviced at the dealership and while looking like a crazy person crying on the phone with mommy dearest) and then kissing someone else a week and a day later. True story.
The problem is, when you date in college, things are different from real world dating. The rules are different, and in four years I learned them so well I could've written a book. But these new rules for dating are completely foreign to me, and I find myself amazed by this, and I want to write about his new world. The world of Dating While Young Adult.
So that's the background, and here's the format: the title will always be the date when the events took place (screw chronological order) because I still have some catching up to do, and I'll mix it with new posts. Names will be changed and all that because I don't want to get too personal. And yeah. Welcome, and thanks for reading!
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