Good evening [redacted],
Hey I just wanted to let you know that I really had fun last night. It seemed like we just connected, the conversation was free-flowing, touching on subjects ranging from science to religion to video games without so much as an awkward moment. It seems like a lot of our values and perspectives on life are similar, perhaps it's the "knowledge of nerd-dom" that drives that.
That restaurant was actually very good, I didn't expect the food to be quite so upscale. The tilapia I had was actually some of the best I've ever eaten.
I definitely think that we could do this again for our next meeting, although meeting up to run together and playing lazer tag have to be on the list as well. I know you said you aren't going to be around next weekend but maybe we could shoot for the weekend after next. I'll catch up with you again later in the week. Hope your week goes well.
~ [redacted]
Just as I suspected, he's clueless as to what a disaster Sunday was, and thinks I'm actually busy this weekend.
Oh, and btw genius, if you were such a "nerd", you'd know that LASER stands for light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation. So it's laSer tag not laZer tag. Stimulation, not Ztimulation. Idiot. It wouldn't bother me so much if he hadn't done it on a previous email too, so I know it's not a typo.
Since this is all an experiment on meeting people and dating them, I kinda wanted to test out different "break-off" emails. Maybe I'll send him a nice one. Or maybe not.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
03/27/11 - Desk job guy
So, when the lawyer didn't call me for a weekend date, I wasn't terribly upset. Instead, I went out with the next guy on my online to-do list: desk job guy. I'll call him that because he reminds me of Chandler, from Friends (what up, growing up in the 90's!): his job is so boring that nobody can stand to listen long enough to know what he does. So he's just desk job guy.
He called me three times before the date with information he could have just emailed me. Ugh, I hate talking on the phone with people I don't know. He left me one voicemail that I decided to listen to before even answering any of his calls. His voice was exactly what you'd expect from a desk job guy: monotonous and kinda nasaly. When I actually did pick up, he was as good at conversations as the dead cilantro on my windowsill. This was going downhill fast. After he could make no decisions without my input (aka, I decided), we planned on a Sunday dinner (seriously?). It was the only day he was available before Wednesday. Oooook. I guess you must have a busy schedule boring people to death while talking about your job.
As soon as I got there, I saw him standing outside and immediately regretted this. I'm attracted to nerds, don't get me wrong, but the good kind. The kind that can match shoes to shirts and make decisions. So, not this guy. His profile said he was 6'2" so I was wearing 1" kitten heels. Yeah, no, I was way taller than him. Not only was he 6' at best, but his posture was horrendous. Fantastic. I could feel people staring at us as I entered the restaurant with Quasimodo over here. No, other patrons, I don't know what I was doing there either, thanks for noticing!
I'll spare you the details of the most boring date I've ever had, except for this one little tidbit that just assured me I wouldn't be seeing this guy again. We were talking about the weather (what else do you talk to when you have nothing to talk about?) and he mentions something about his aunt and uncle "believing" in global warming. It sounded like... oh shit. No no no no no no NO! Ahhhh, yes. He doesn't really "believe" in climate change.
Pause. I flip the switch. Fuck it.
"You know, this is the only country I've ever been to where climate change and evolution are actually debated as theories. Everybody else on the planet is on board with the whole 'science' thing." I can see the look on his face. I know he's a christian, so I'm fully aware things might be getting really unpleasant really fast.
"Oh no, evolution isn't really up for debate" - way to change the subject but... no, wait, there's MORE! - "but evolution and creationism can both be true." WHAT?! Are you for real right now?!
I dig in: "I went to middle school with this girl who basically got laughed out of class for suggesting our science teacher should mention creationism when we were being taught evolution. I can't believe in this country people still require them to be taught side by side". I was well on my way to ruining this date. It felt cathartic, but our waiter interrupted the conversation and I didn't really know how to get back on topic. I couldn't keep going if he didn't fight back. He didn't.
Instead, he asked if we should do this again. And in that moment, with every fiber of my body screaming "NO!" I said "Sure, why not?". Gee, I don't know, I can come up with a whole fucking list, you moron! I instantly blurt out that I'm busy all week, and he says it's ok, because he's busy on weekdays too. Yes, I'm sure you are. Doing what, growing your nails longer than mine? Btw, that's gross.Then I tell him I'm out of town this weekend. I think he realizes I'm bullshitting at this point because I can't come up with a good location to pretend I'm going to. We make more small talk, but when he starts talking about liking video games and collecting Nintendo systems, I call it a night.
The check comes. I start the "reach for the wallet" dance. He looks at me, and I can tell he is really uncomfortable. "So how should we do this?". Wow, seriously? Though I guess from the guy who could make no decisions when picking a place to go, this was totally expected. He has zero confidence, and zero clue on how to date. Sigh.
"We can split it."
"Ok...". He stares at me. Why is he staring? Why isn't he doing anything? I look at him, puzzled.
"What?"
He sighs, his hand on the bill. Maybe he's going to change his mind, maybe he'll realize what a faux pas this is. I have hope.
Nope. He continues his silence for another few uncomfortable seconds and slides the check over to me, we both put our cards in. The waiter splits it down the middle even though his food was more expensive. Balls. I wasn't counting strikes, but he's so far out, it's kinda sad.
Clueless as he is (I wish it was because he realized this wasn't going anywhere, but I know it wasn't), he doesn't try to kiss me or even hug me. He says he'll call or email me. Yeah, ok, thanks for nothing, bye!
He called me three times before the date with information he could have just emailed me. Ugh, I hate talking on the phone with people I don't know. He left me one voicemail that I decided to listen to before even answering any of his calls. His voice was exactly what you'd expect from a desk job guy: monotonous and kinda nasaly. When I actually did pick up, he was as good at conversations as the dead cilantro on my windowsill. This was going downhill fast. After he could make no decisions without my input (aka, I decided), we planned on a Sunday dinner (seriously?). It was the only day he was available before Wednesday. Oooook. I guess you must have a busy schedule boring people to death while talking about your job.
As soon as I got there, I saw him standing outside and immediately regretted this. I'm attracted to nerds, don't get me wrong, but the good kind. The kind that can match shoes to shirts and make decisions. So, not this guy. His profile said he was 6'2" so I was wearing 1" kitten heels. Yeah, no, I was way taller than him. Not only was he 6' at best, but his posture was horrendous. Fantastic. I could feel people staring at us as I entered the restaurant with Quasimodo over here. No, other patrons, I don't know what I was doing there either, thanks for noticing!
I'll spare you the details of the most boring date I've ever had, except for this one little tidbit that just assured me I wouldn't be seeing this guy again. We were talking about the weather (what else do you talk to when you have nothing to talk about?) and he mentions something about his aunt and uncle "believing" in global warming. It sounded like... oh shit. No no no no no no NO! Ahhhh, yes. He doesn't really "believe" in climate change.
Pause. I flip the switch. Fuck it.
"You know, this is the only country I've ever been to where climate change and evolution are actually debated as theories. Everybody else on the planet is on board with the whole 'science' thing." I can see the look on his face. I know he's a christian, so I'm fully aware things might be getting really unpleasant really fast.
"Oh no, evolution isn't really up for debate" - way to change the subject but... no, wait, there's MORE! - "but evolution and creationism can both be true." WHAT?! Are you for real right now?!
I dig in: "I went to middle school with this girl who basically got laughed out of class for suggesting our science teacher should mention creationism when we were being taught evolution. I can't believe in this country people still require them to be taught side by side". I was well on my way to ruining this date. It felt cathartic, but our waiter interrupted the conversation and I didn't really know how to get back on topic. I couldn't keep going if he didn't fight back. He didn't.
Instead, he asked if we should do this again. And in that moment, with every fiber of my body screaming "NO!" I said "Sure, why not?". Gee, I don't know, I can come up with a whole fucking list, you moron! I instantly blurt out that I'm busy all week, and he says it's ok, because he's busy on weekdays too. Yes, I'm sure you are. Doing what, growing your nails longer than mine? Btw, that's gross.Then I tell him I'm out of town this weekend. I think he realizes I'm bullshitting at this point because I can't come up with a good location to pretend I'm going to. We make more small talk, but when he starts talking about liking video games and collecting Nintendo systems, I call it a night.
The check comes. I start the "reach for the wallet" dance. He looks at me, and I can tell he is really uncomfortable. "So how should we do this?". Wow, seriously? Though I guess from the guy who could make no decisions when picking a place to go, this was totally expected. He has zero confidence, and zero clue on how to date. Sigh.
"We can split it."
"Ok...". He stares at me. Why is he staring? Why isn't he doing anything? I look at him, puzzled.
"What?"
He sighs, his hand on the bill. Maybe he's going to change his mind, maybe he'll realize what a faux pas this is. I have hope.
Nope. He continues his silence for another few uncomfortable seconds and slides the check over to me, we both put our cards in. The waiter splits it down the middle even though his food was more expensive. Balls. I wasn't counting strikes, but he's so far out, it's kinda sad.
Clueless as he is (I wish it was because he realized this wasn't going anywhere, but I know it wasn't), he doesn't try to kiss me or even hug me. He says he'll call or email me. Yeah, ok, thanks for nothing, bye!
Friday, March 25, 2011
03/22/11 - The lawyer and the high school teacher
Let's get one thing out of the way: I'm impulsive. A lot of times I'll look back at my decisions and physically cringe or twitch or even grunt. Yes, it's happened in the middle of work meetings. Yes, it's awkward that while people are talking about serious things, I'm thinking back to my date last night and that snap decision I made that was just so freaking wrong. And then I let out an audible "UGH". Tuesday, 03/22, was one of those days.
I scheduled a date with a lawyer I met online. As usual, I did my due diligence and googled the shit out of him until I found confirmation of his name, profession, employment status and height. Most people that complain about online dating don't do these things, but I've found that it reduces the odds of something going wrong SIGNIFICANTLY.
Anyways, I met him at a place that I realized way too late was the same place I'd been on my first date with high school teacher (more on that later) . He was already there, well dressed, and had seats at the bar. Minus points for the bar, plus for everything else. One of the first things he said was "Sorry, for the crappy weather", because it was raining and an overall gross day. After deciding sarcasm was an important part of my personality, I responded with "I hardly think that's your fault". He smiled and said "That's... rational". He got it. Perfect. I smile back.
We talk about family, living in the area, he fact that he'd never been to that place before ("Yeah, I realize I've been here before... with friends"). When he talks about work he uses "allegedly" non-ironically. I find this hilarious, because it's super lawyer-speak. I tell him about my knowledge of the legal system, which is limited to TV shows (that I'm aware are humorously wrong) and my limited interaction with an attorney that's driving me crazy. He cracks up at my stories about her, so that's a good sign. He has a couple of beers, I have some wine, we order some tapas.
Then I remember I only had 40min in my meter, and it's probably already expired. Shit. I ask the bartender for change, and realize how much it looks like I'm bailing, since I have to take my coat, scarf, and umbrella to go back to the lot. Feeling bad, I leave my purse (yes, I'm cringing just thinking about it) and run out (yes, run. In heels), just in time to stop the cop who is already writing my ticket. "That's my car!!! I have quarters!". With another hour in the meter, and a warning ("30 more seconds, and you would've had a ticket!") I keep my record still 100% ticket-free and walk back. Then check my purse as soon as he leaves for the bathroom. Nope, still have all my cards. Not that I would've needed them, considering he picked up the check. Nice.
As he walks me back to my car (extra points for walking me even though he was parked in the opposite direction) we hug and he asks me about seeing me again. I can't help but smile and say (almost squeal, really) "Absolutely!". Dork. He confirms that he has my cell phone number since I texted him earlier, and we part ways. Adorable.
But, there's a reason why I started this post with a disclaimer about being impulsive. As I watch my meter tick down to the last two minutes, I pull out my phone and text the high school teacher, who lives 5min away: "You weren't kidding about cops around your area, I almost got a ticket!". Which of course leads me to be invited over, but that's when I made a crucial error that no girl should make. When a guy says "I would say stop by if you want" and "I wouldn't mind if you came by", don't come by. Just don't. If he wanted you there, he'd invite you there. Otherwise, it means "don't come by, I'll just ignore you for an hour while I do something more important". Which is what happened to me, and I watched as he filled out some online forms that he was busy with, and talked to his mother, emailed his sister, and texted his coworker. Brilliant. I say I'm leaving, after I get pretty sick of IMing on my phone with my friend who keeps telling me to GTFO. He walks me down to the door, and then no hug, no kiss, no anything, says "I'll talk to you tomorrow when hopefully I won't be going crazy".
Whatever, dude. He texts me the next day, just to tell me he finished whatever he was working on. Then to tell me, in a roundabout way, that he's going home Friday (today) and will be there for the week. "Home" being his home state, 600mi away.
Good riddance.
I scheduled a date with a lawyer I met online. As usual, I did my due diligence and googled the shit out of him until I found confirmation of his name, profession, employment status and height. Most people that complain about online dating don't do these things, but I've found that it reduces the odds of something going wrong SIGNIFICANTLY.
Anyways, I met him at a place that I realized way too late was the same place I'd been on my first date with high school teacher (more on that later) . He was already there, well dressed, and had seats at the bar. Minus points for the bar, plus for everything else. One of the first things he said was "Sorry, for the crappy weather", because it was raining and an overall gross day. After deciding sarcasm was an important part of my personality, I responded with "I hardly think that's your fault". He smiled and said "That's... rational". He got it. Perfect. I smile back.
We talk about family, living in the area, he fact that he'd never been to that place before ("Yeah, I realize I've been here before... with friends"). When he talks about work he uses "allegedly" non-ironically. I find this hilarious, because it's super lawyer-speak. I tell him about my knowledge of the legal system, which is limited to TV shows (that I'm aware are humorously wrong) and my limited interaction with an attorney that's driving me crazy. He cracks up at my stories about her, so that's a good sign. He has a couple of beers, I have some wine, we order some tapas.
Then I remember I only had 40min in my meter, and it's probably already expired. Shit. I ask the bartender for change, and realize how much it looks like I'm bailing, since I have to take my coat, scarf, and umbrella to go back to the lot. Feeling bad, I leave my purse (yes, I'm cringing just thinking about it) and run out (yes, run. In heels), just in time to stop the cop who is already writing my ticket. "That's my car!!! I have quarters!". With another hour in the meter, and a warning ("30 more seconds, and you would've had a ticket!") I keep my record still 100% ticket-free and walk back. Then check my purse as soon as he leaves for the bathroom. Nope, still have all my cards. Not that I would've needed them, considering he picked up the check. Nice.
As he walks me back to my car (extra points for walking me even though he was parked in the opposite direction) we hug and he asks me about seeing me again. I can't help but smile and say (almost squeal, really) "Absolutely!". Dork. He confirms that he has my cell phone number since I texted him earlier, and we part ways. Adorable.
But, there's a reason why I started this post with a disclaimer about being impulsive. As I watch my meter tick down to the last two minutes, I pull out my phone and text the high school teacher, who lives 5min away: "You weren't kidding about cops around your area, I almost got a ticket!". Which of course leads me to be invited over, but that's when I made a crucial error that no girl should make. When a guy says "I would say stop by if you want" and "I wouldn't mind if you came by", don't come by. Just don't. If he wanted you there, he'd invite you there. Otherwise, it means "don't come by, I'll just ignore you for an hour while I do something more important". Which is what happened to me, and I watched as he filled out some online forms that he was busy with, and talked to his mother, emailed his sister, and texted his coworker. Brilliant. I say I'm leaving, after I get pretty sick of IMing on my phone with my friend who keeps telling me to GTFO. He walks me down to the door, and then no hug, no kiss, no anything, says "I'll talk to you tomorrow when hopefully I won't be going crazy".
Whatever, dude. He texts me the next day, just to tell me he finished whatever he was working on. Then to tell me, in a roundabout way, that he's going home Friday (today) and will be there for the week. "Home" being his home state, 600mi away.
Good riddance.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
03/23/11 - Introduction
This is my first post on this blog, so I feel like I should give some background as to why it exists and what I'll be talking about here. So here it goes:
I'm 23, fresh out of a 2-year relationship that I thought would be my last. But I'm known for quick recoveries, and true to my reputation I was over the breakup in a couple of hours (spent while my car was getting serviced at the dealership and while looking like a crazy person crying on the phone with mommy dearest) and then kissing someone else a week and a day later. True story.
The problem is, when you date in college, things are different from real world dating. The rules are different, and in four years I learned them so well I could've written a book. But these new rules for dating are completely foreign to me, and I find myself amazed by this, and I want to write about his new world. The world of Dating While Young Adult.
So that's the background, and here's the format: the title will always be the date when the events took place (screw chronological order) because I still have some catching up to do, and I'll mix it with new posts. Names will be changed and all that because I don't want to get too personal. And yeah. Welcome, and thanks for reading!
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